First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu
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In 1534 Christoph Vieira the great Portuguese sailor was sat in the great hut of my village Chief Ovie Okwagbe deliberating about life. At the time the Portuguese were giants in the maritime industry and had set up trading posts in my village dealing mainly in spices, bronze and gold. This business had made Ovie Okwagbe very rich but he wondered why the ‘white men’ kept coming.
He had just commissioned a new cemetery for them as the old one was full. Malaria had converted trading trips into suicide missions. “You people are crazy. Why come all these miles away from home to die? Are there no cemeteries in Lisbon?” asked the Ovie.
“We love it here. We believe that man must explore outer lands for the mutual benefit of all concerned. We are hopeful that one day we shall be able to cure malaria. Then we will come over and take up citizenship in this land,” said Vieira.
Ovie Okwagbe laughed so hard at the most absurd utterance he had had since he ascended the throne. “You remind me of the folktale my father used to tell me,” he said. Without waiting to be asked, he ventured into it.
“You see, the sperm cells all believed there was a distant land they could all travel to and live happily ever after. In this paradise they would live as kings and be great in the land. The only problem they had was no one had ever come back to tell them if this paradise really existed. They relied on ‘dreamers’. These were the ones with special powers that could see the previous generations in their sleep.
“The Leydig family were prophets of good news. They spread the myth of life on the other side being beautiful. They encouraged all sperms to train hard for the great swim to better life. The Sertoli family on the other hand warned the sperms not to jump into the river of opportunity when those torrents came. They taught their followers to tie themselves to their hut walls when the torrents came to avoid being swept away in the flood waters of optimism.”
Ovie Okwagbe paused for a sip of palm wine and continued.
“A torrent came and millions left for an improved existence. New citizens had to be born quickly to replenish the sperm republic. The prophets dreamed dreams yet again. The Leydig family claimed the millions of sperms were seen in a dream married to beautiful eggs and transforming into miraculous beings. This sent quivers of desire and ambition in the new generation of sperms while the Sertoli family spoke of apocalyptic mass deaths among the millions who left on the last torrent. The Sertoli spoke of dead bodies all drowned in an ocean of lust. ‘Stay in your native land’ they warned but they were laughed to scorn.”
The Ovie looked Christoph in the eye and asked him if he told the sailors he recruited in Lisbon that they were signing their death warrants when they agreed to set sail with him.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” came the reply.
Just then Jack the missionary walked in. He had come to ask for land to build a new school and he frowned when he saw Christoph. The men never got on for Christoph has got three of the church members pregnant.
“Jack, what do you think about people leaving their native lands to settle elsewhere?” asked the Ovie.
“Erm, your royal highness, people have travelled into other nations since the world began. That is how knowledge and Light spreads,” replied Jack as he placed his tall frame on a small wooden stool.
“But what does your God say about this? Surely, if He wanted you born in a land, he could arrange for that to happen. Why have someone born in Lisbon and he grows up and wishes to live in Okwagbe? Even disturbing the maidens,” Ovie laughed as he spoke.
“The immigration problem is part of life. Our God said, ‘Go into the entire World and preach the gospel’. That is why I am here. Most of the great men in my Bible had to live abroad at different times and our God went with them.”
“Ha! You mean your God is an immigrant? Going about with people?” asked the Ovie
“No, He is a Spirit that moves with His people. Joseph in the Bible, the one I spoke to you about. He was taken as a slave to Egypt. He lived away from his people but God was with him,” said Jack.
The meal was brought in – hot steaming Ukodo and palm oil. The Ovie liked the large royal pot brought into his hut and two young men carried it in. As they ate, the Ovie asked Jack what he thought about Christoph’s new plans to take 100 immigrants with him for a better life in Lisbon. Jack frowned and looked at Christoph suspiciously.
“It is a new programme developed by the King of Portugal – a novel way to train our partners in our language and customs. That way they could interpret for us when we travel into the deeper parts of the jungle. All 100 will be stationed in the royal court and be taught by the finest teachers in all of Lisbon. This will make you rich my friend,” said Christoph.
“How much wealth can one man have? I have agreed to this scheme, although I must say it is a stupid idea. None of the royal house will go. I have some good for nothing members of my kingdom I will send down. Let us see how well your educational programmes will do for these accursed families. People who I will not miss should they not return will be good for this immigration programme,” said the Ovie.
“With due respect your royal highness, all men are created equal,” protested Jack.
“Equal you say? So, why am I seated on a throne?” asked the Ovie Okwagbe.
