Unpopular side with Thomas Oti
Email: thomasoti@qed.ng
Try talking about sex and everyone will do face like gorilla wey chop bitter leaf by mistake. It’s an intentionally hard topic to discuss. It has always been. It will perhaps always be as well. I have no idea why. Do you know why? I’ll be glad to hear why you think we simply detest all talk about sex.
I like sex. That’s not quite true. But it’s not quite untrue either. Because of the impishness of the human being it is difficult to tell whether wanting to sleep with every girl one sees is normal or abnormal. Whether wanting to sleep with an attractive other girl or girls outside of the one you had asked to “date” you or marry you for that matter is wrong or not. Sex has been deified majorly. A few people own the franchise and they are determined that it must stay mystified so that they can continue to own us.
If sex was released from the shackles of hush hush bondage it has been held for so long, I bet you that we would see higher levels of morals in the society. How immoral did Adam and Eve feel walking about naked in the garden before they “ate the fruit” (a euphemism I insist means discovered sexual pleasure in their own bodies)? But as soon as they realised what Adam’s shlong was for and what Eve’s triangle was for, they had to immediately hide their individual points of pleasure. Why? Is pleasure so bad?
In your heart of hearts, you must permit my constant Christian references. It is all I know about for now. It’s all I grew up on. I once bought an English/Arabic Quran but I didn’t get around to reading it before I lost it. Shame on me. I also don’t know the creation or sexual creation stories of any other world religion in spite of the fact that information on them all must be widely available on the internet. No time to read yet. I hope the internet or time or life would not have disappeared before I am ready.
Anyway, why are we so squeamish about sex? To even talk about sex on social networks online, you have to find a way to blip out “offensive” words like penis, vagina, sex, etc. And yet the more we make such huge deals of them, the more we make them more desirable.
Sex is a multi-billion dollar business across the world. Child trafficking, adult trafficking, prostitution and the likes are top illegal businesses across the world. And why? Because society has decided in her infinite wisdom that sex is bad for you or talk about except in specific and peculiar circumstances like marriage. But that’s also problematic because a boy or girl who was brought up not to talk about sex will not talk about it no matter the licence marriage gives them. You simply cannot undo a twenty something year old or sometimes thirty something year old well drummed in don’t in a few short years of marriage.
And that is why cheating is rampant in marriages. You were taught sex was bad. Why is it suddenly okay in marriage? Serious contradiction in time. Your conditioning that sex was bad meant that you have learnt to enjoy coded sex, under G sex, quickies, etc. How honestly are you supposed to react when you now have access to it 24-7 and as many times as you like?
You were not supposed to talk about sex openly. But in marriage, your wife or husband would inevitably want to discuss it and look for ways to enhance and make it “better”, “more exciting”, etc. And you can’t really get over the visions of hell that engulf you if you attempt to waste time on the act or do any more than the missionary position you are entitled to according to the bible. So it is difficult to understand why anyone would want to talk about it. If you did it at all, it is done in very dark places. Why bring such darkness to light? Didn’t the bible also say darkness and light don’t mix?
Yeah, I know millions of homes have been destroyed by the inability of partners to connect sexually. Again it is difficult to suddenly change. It is why men cheat. And maybe women too. At least subconsciously. Dirty dangerous sex quickies are the rave. The moment you try to legitimise them and upgrade them from the gutter to the altar, you get all sorts of messed up.
My solution is that we need a different orientation. An orientation that does not demonise sex. One that does not kill it before it’s had an opportunity to take root. We have to talk about sex from early on in life. We must talk about it in a way that does not glamorise it or make it sweet when it’s just between two people.
Yes, we are human and we have been taught that we must stick with one person as we are incapable of loving or dealing with love or lust from more than one source at a time. But that’s it. It was taught us. We have to unlearn it. We are unlearning it. We must unlearn it. We better unlearn it. It’s obviously not worked so far. No sense in doing the same thing and hoping for different results or outcomes.
We have to re-orient ourselves differently. Let’s face sex. Let’s bring sex out into the open. Let’s stop emphasising the outside over what’s inside. Let’s stop demonising something so beautiful and great. Let’s change our minds and our orientations. The sexual act itself isn’t the problem. It is the accoutrements that accompany it that we have completely commercialised. Our bodies do not make it any easier. As soon as we catch a small glimpse of the other sex’s body or the same sex as our own body, if we are oriented that way, we sort of go into spasms and release something scientists have called endorphins or our do, do do controls. We mentally lap after them with tongues hanging out like Alsatian dogs on heat. (Sorry I don’t know that much about dogs either. But you maybe get the picture).
Anyway, it’s all up to us. But that is the problem. We have deified and mystified sex and we will not be going back in a hurry. We have turned it into the biggest business ever. No way will we go back now. Sexual diseases are the most fatal and dangerous. They are the biggest money spinners. Long before the advent of STDs we did not all die off. Why must we believe that it is time for us all to be killed off for doing what we were created to do? If we don’t use a condom? Or take some other precautions. And you dare not use a plastic bag nylon as makeshift like that virgin Vietnamese couple did and bruised badly.
I’m done and outta here. Peace to all sexually active out there. In short, peace to us all. We live to have sex; we have sex to live. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
