Home Away from Home with Abi Adeboyejo
Email: abi.adeboyejo@yahoo.com Twitter: @abihafh
A few months ago I wrote about how difficult it is for ladies to know what our men want from us. They are usually very chatty when they are after something. In fact, they will tell you anything you want just so they can become dear to you. No, the men who won’t talk are the husbands, partners and long-term boyfriends. It seems that once a girl says ‘yes’ to a man, something just shuts down in his brain. He seems to lose the ability to let his woman know what it is he wants from her.
My man has his moments when he opens up about his feelings, but like most men, he usually keeps them well hidden. In our years of marriage I have tried to devise ways of getting him to talk about his feelings. I used to burst into tears whenever I felt he wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear. I think I’ve done that once too often over the years because whenever I turn on the waterworks, he just waits for me to end my crocodile tears before totally changing the topic of discussion to something he wants to talk about e.g. the news, politics, the kids and their homework or our finances (if I’ve been out shopping- trouble!)
Don’t get me wrong. I like the fact that he knows I am clever enough to engage in serious analytical discussions on world politics, economic situations and all the boring stuff men like talking about. It’s just that I also like talking about the not so serious stuff like whether he thinks my caesarean-tummy flab looks big in my new dress, or what he intends to do with me later in the day after the kids have gone to bed or whether he thinks our neighbour is cheating on his wife.
When he has something on his mind, the best way to handle it, according to him, is to go all quiet and moody and leave me to worry that I’ve done something to upset him. But if I am in a bad mood I am being childish. At least I usually tell my hubby and anyone willing to listen why I am in a bad mood. My man just expects me to know what’s wrong and take steps to soothe him. Really?
As with the last time I wrote on this issue, I carried out a lot of internet research to put together some tips that could help ladies understand their men better. Below are some of the things that men would like women to know but aren’t just comfortable discussing.
For women reading this article it might be strange to learn that men communicate with their partners when they sleep. Okay, I too didn’t really believe it when I came across an article claiming that research had shown that you could tell a man’s feelings from his sleeping position. It wasn’t until I started to note my man’s sleeping position that I found that there was some truth in the research.
Basically, a man sleeps in four main positions. The first is The Poser position. A man that sleeps as if he is posing in real life may subconsciously be taking this position as a way of working out his swagger even in his sleep. He probably desires more power in his relationship with his partner because she is very bossy. Ladies that notice that their partners strike a pose when sleeping should learn not to be too bossy in their relationships. The poor guy isn’t getting the opportunity to strut his stuff in real life. Ladies will need to relax and let the men take control of everyday decisions a bit more. Some men need to feel in control all the time.
The second sleep position is The Clencher. A man may clench his fists because he is probably feeling aggressive. Something is bugging him and it might be something that he is not even consciously aware of. The aggression may be directed at other people but his partner has to be aware that he may be short-tempered because he is going through an inner struggle. Ladies are advised to encourage their men to do physical activities like hit the gym or do some heavy DIY work in the house to help the men work off the tension until they pinpoint the real issue. If these fail there is always traditional missionary way of easing tension (just a thought!)
The third is the Crotch Cradler. When a man sleeps sideways, cradling his crown jewels, i.e. his most sensitive area, he is not being naughty. It is usually because he is feeling uncertain. It could be work issues or family drama but whatever it is, he is craving comfort. A partner could offer reassurance by spooning her man in bed. That subconsciously signals that you are on his side and want to support him. She should also offer extra affection and attention to let her man know that she is always around if he wants to talk.
The final position is The Tangler. A man who sleeps with his legs tangled up in the sheets can indicate that he feels like he is not pleasing his woman enough. No matter how tough he may act, this man as a hidden sensitive side. He worries that he is not up to par and this causes him to toss and turn, getting him tangled in the bedding. His partner could put his mind at ease by telling him the next day how happy he makes her.
I challenge ladies to watch how their men sleep in the next week. I bet they’ll notice at least one of these positions. I doubt that it will sort all marital communication issues, but I think it is a step in the right direction towards being the perfect soulmate.
