Buzz by Olumide Iyanda
Email: oiyanda@yahoo.com Twitter: @mightyng
I wonder how I did not know about it before. When did 419ers start ripping people off in the name of Ifa the Yoruba rite of communicating with the spiritual realm? Wasn’t spiritual Yahoo Yahoo the exclusive preserve of thieving and adulterous “men of God”? Didn’t they say the fear of the occult is the beginning of wisdom? That you do not monkey around with another man in the name of Orunmila? I guess all that is story for the gods in the Fraudulent Republic of Nigeria.
So, there I was, minding my own business on Monday, 27 when a text message landed on my phone. It reads: “Fagbemi, baba ni ko ta card yi kofi owo woko wasile (Fagbemi, old man says you should sell this card and use the money for transportation back home)”. The pin on the supposed recharge card was 0349033543054. Not wise to the game, I innocently sent a reply notifying the sender that the message was sent to me in error as I did not have the sender’s number on my phone. I even offered a prayer that the pin gets to its intended beneficiary. My naivety must have left someone in stitches.
The jokers waited for two days before a man called with the same number saying I must have used the pin and requesting that I send a refund. I tried to explain to the voice at the other end that I didn’t use the pin; that I in fact sent a text saying the stuff was sent in error. But he would not have any of that. I had to end the call when he kept insisting I must have loaded the pin and was lying about it. To think I actually felt sorry for him because I thought he had a reason to doubt my claim, knowing 11 out 10 people would have loaded a recharge pin sent to them in error. Who gives a damn about honesty these days!
Well, in the morning of Thursday, July 28, I got another call from the number saying they eventually saw the text I sent and that the matter had been sorted out. An alarm went off in my head but I voted to give him the benefit of doubt. It was at that point that he came up with the tale that the person the pin was actually meant for was an old man from the village visiting his kids in town. Someone should have auctioned the recharge pin so the old man could use the money for transportation back to the village. The original caller thanked me profusely then handed the phone to the “old man”.
The “old man” then launched into a round of prayers which sounded like something from Africa Magic Yoruba. You would think the card must be worth some impressive digits because the prayers from both men lasted quite some minutes. The “old man” then introduced himself as an Ifa priest and requested I call him back in 20 minutes, saying there were things he wanted to say to me. It was at that point that the scales fell from my eyes. I pretended I believed him when he said he could not continue the conversation at that moment because there were some people with him, and that the main purpose of that particular call was to thank me.
Thinking it won’t be a bad idea to play the scammers at their game, I did call back as requested and the “old man” continued with his prayers. He then said that in keeping with the Yoruba tradition that eni ba da’mi siwaju ma te ile tutu (he who pours water in front will step on cool ground), he would ensure I reap the reward of my honesty by the power vested in him as a diviner. He then promised to consult the oracle – using kolanut, gin and one other material I can’t remember now – and will call later in the day to tell me whatever message he has for me. He requested for my name. I gave him an oruko oriki (traditional praise name) for extra effect, saying I will be waiting anxiously to know what the gods have to tell me through him.
After our conversation, I posted my little story on Facebook and I got a deluge of replies from friends who had had similar experiences. The script was always the same with an “old man” whose voice, according to one of my friends, “was eerily similar to Abija of Yoruba movies fame”. It was at that point that I learnt that the formula had been around for a while. A friend even sent me a message he received from a number using the same modus operandi. His own message reads: “Ifakunle bawo ni baba ni ki nso fun e wipe won ma se odun ifa ni otunla won ki o ri wipe o wa o won ni boya o l e ma lowo ni ki text card yi si 146586514822723.4231089741522 11.” I won’t even bother to translate.
Another friend told me: “I was so curious when they started last year. For almost a month I was playing along. At a point he said I needed to do some propitiation and as the Awise of Ife, I have to come to Ile-Ife. I apologised that I am too busy and may not be able to come. He said he will send his account number and I asked how much may be enough. He counted several things and at last said I should estimate and send what I think is worth it. That several people from abroad are into such elevating processes. Days later, I started seeing him on Facebook. I opened discussion with him from a colleague’s page. I found out it was a carefully knit but refined 419! Then, I blocked him out. The old man has a very rich, eloquent and suave prayer style. Touching and issue-based.”
I thought of doing cop and robbers with the fraudsters but many people advised against it. They reminded me that I can’t out-con a conman of many years standing. The police? The idea of handing the number over to the men in black (or whatever colour they choose to wear) for investigation ended when a friend in the Force told me nothing would come out of it. According to him, getting telecommunications company to release information about people using their network for fraud is as easy as getting President Muhammadu Buhari to dance ‘Yahooze’.
The number has called me thrice since our last conversation but I have resisted the temptation to answer. I hope this piece of information helps in case someone reading this gets a text message or call from 08076887080 about some bogus recharge pin or Ifa rite. Caller App identifies the owner as Chief Awunta. Whatever business you do with that number is at your own risk. Remember, the gods are not to blame.
And just when I thought that drama was over, someone with a hidden number called me on Friday, August 7 from “Abuja” asking if I was a man of God. Of all the things to call me!
