First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu
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That dread of an impending ‘big day’ is a familiar feeling. Butterflies in the belly, dry mouth, pounding heart and a loss of appetite gang up to clog the mind at a time when one should be gearing in readiness for performance. Some even fear ‘small days’. There is fear and apprehension everywhere these days and it hampers people’s abilities to step out and achieve things.
Performance anxiety does not develop the day before a task. It takes years of not actively acquiring confidence (an omission) and also not learning to value those we see displaying aplomb in the execution of tasks we struggle with.
Acquiring confidence
It does not just happen automatically. Where confidence exits there is a story that explains the reasons why. The root cause may pre-date a generation and it takes time to seek it out. The first rule to acquiring confidence is the knowledge that it is available for acquisition. Believing that people are born confident and that they magically never sweat when faced with tasks would cause a feeling of hopelessness to develop.
It just is not like the height of an adult where you take what you have been dealt by nature, as no one grows one more cubit after a certain ‘biological window’ has elapsed.
Confident people practice for an insane amount of time to become skilful in an area and that competence gives them the assurance that they can cope with whatever comes their way. Planning out the options when faced with different scenarios means that they are in tune with their problem-solving capabilities and thus when faced with a problem no one has had before, the improvisation required to adapt comes naturally.
Valuing confidence in others
Life is one long theatrical show. We look at performers and after the last curtain is drawn we huddle into groups to discuss what we have just seen. It’s a cycle. It is those times when we reflect on the show that we learn things for ourselves.
It starts with the family. Something happens on TV and the family discusses. Attitudes are formed from these discussions and they stay for life. If a documentary of the rich driving Bentleys has been watched and the dad looks at his son and says, “Son, that is what you would be driving in 20 years,” the young lad is stuck with a destiny he would not be able to shake off. He now knows where he is headed and begins to take a keen interest in the people who live that lifestyle; their work ethics, their language, their confidence and self-belief.
If on the other hand, dad says “lucky for some. That will never happen to any of us son. Remember where you are from” the effect is negative.
All of entertainment is mostly about people doing something confidently. It might be stealing, fighting or telling jokes. Incompetence or timidity hardly ever entertains. Each scenario acted out by others is a unique opportunity to learn for it would not be long before we face that same scenario.
As adults we see people who seemingly have no fear, such as sportsmen who walk into arenas with their heads held high and as arrogant as hell. At the final whistle, the huddles convene and the post-match personality analysis commences (It is not unusual to discuss a game that lasted 90 minutes for 90 hours).
The blessed man is the one who does not find himself with bad men and psychopaths in his huddle group. These are the ones who only talk of nastiness. Things like, ‘he is so rich and loves his children. I wonder how much we could get in ransom money if we can kidnap one of them’.
These are people who are not here on earth to learn anything. Flee from such. Then there are the mockers who are cynical about everything they see. They eat their daily bread buttered with envy and washed down with haters’ juice.
They say the sportsman is on steroids, he is too proud, too rich, and delicate and most definitely overrated. They see nothing to learn from any display of confidence before a worldwide audience.
The jesters in a huddle will poke fun at everything and always end up by saying it is Illuminati giving the icons confidence (not practice and honing of natural talents o)
The best groups are those that marvel at confidence. They admire it, value it and seek to find out its source. They read biographies and articles about the ‘star’ to find out what makes them motivated.
Once they discover any tell-tale signs that point to the reason why a character performs without apprehensiveness, they adopt that lesson to their lives.
As for the assembly of the cynics and mockers, they too have something to adapt to their own lives. As one sows one reaps. They know the sort of things that stand out and could generate mickey taking in huddles. They thus avoid doing those things that might make the next discussion topic among the mockers. That means they do every single thing just below average and just above incompetence so as not to draw attention to themselves.
When the big days come, they are apprehensive. They expect to be mocked by others and they do get what they expect. When they should have been learning from the best and practising with their talents, they were too busy making jest.
It is always the same when you watch interviews of people who have made it. When asked about their childhood and role models they always have names that roll off the tongue. People they have been studying for years. By studying these people they find themselves.
I recall when I was reserve team doctor for Birmingham City FC providing medical cover for both the U15 and U18 matches. One could not help eavesdrop on the young players’ conversations. Ronaldo’s name always came up.
Their faces lit as they recalled his technique on the ball and his dedication to the game. Time is precious. Those who would be great must study the masters and be around people who talk well of the masters.
The kings of ranting and moaning who are world authorities on ‘calling out’ people never ever inspire.
