Close-up with KC Ejelonu
Email: kcejelonu@gmail.com Twitter: @kcejelonu
When dating, age is a personal preference, although I don’t see myself dating someone younger than I am, unless of course he is very mature. Some women prefer to date people older than themselves, often considerably older, while others only date people much younger. There is no rule to say you must date people of the exact same age as you; it is down to each individual.
Being the same age as your date doesn’t mean you will be equal in maturity. It is quite possible to date someone much older or younger than you and have a similar maturity level. When you first meet someone, you don’t tend to ask their age immediately although you can usually guess which age bracket they are in. Often you are attracted to someone before you even find out their age and it is in that instance that age may be irrelevant, which shows that you like them for who they are.
This has happened to me once. I went to a bar with some friends and met this very handsome and well built guy. In my mind I thought he was over 30, until I was told he was 25. Predictably, I withdrew and was not attracted to him anymore. Guess my mind was playing tricks on me.
The biggest issue when dating someone older or younger than you is the opinion of other people. It is easy for others to criticise when they aren’t emotionally involved. You must remember that it is you dating this person, not your friend or strangers. You may have family issues going on too which can be upsetting at times. Dating someone old enough to be your parent or young enough to be your son or daughter will often bring disapproval from family members.
So what age gap is considered as being too old or too young?
It is very common to have a couple of years’ up to about five years age difference between two people. When the age gap exceeds 10 years, then this is when a relationship could have difficulties. If the two involved are compatible despite an age gap, then age is just a number, nothing more. Some age gaps are irrelevant, especially when the maturity level of both parties involved is balanced. However, when there are 10 or more years between you, then there are risks of the relationship failing. You may find you have different goals in life and issues about the future, such as when to settle down and whether and when to start a family.
If you wish to date someone who is much older or younger than yourself and feel the age gap is too big, never lie about your age in order to allow a relationship to develop. Lying about your age from the start will only cause heartache further down the line when they discover the truth. Not only will they be angry with you lying about your age, they will be left wondering what else you have lied about, even if you have been honest about every other aspect of your life.
There is no point in pretending to be someone older or younger; if your date can’t accept your true age from the start, then they are not worth wasting your emotions over.
Dating older people often brings mixed emotions. You might worry about being considerably younger and feel like you are missing out on certain areas of your life by being in a relationship with someone who has been there and done that. You may discuss the future and mention that you would like to have children one day only to find out that they have different plans. There is a possibility that they already have children and don’t wish to have anymore, or they may have previously been married and don’t wish to marry again. These are big issues to accept, so you need to think carefully about whether dating this person is worth depriving yourself of your dreams and ambitions.
You may have concerns about coming across as being immature in comparison to their mature nature. This isn’t to say that in every occasion dating someone older will make you feel young, as everyone is different and people don’t always act their age. On the other hand, older people have more experience with life and relationships and therefore are more than likely to have made many mistakes prior to meeting you.
Nowadays, it is common to see older men dating younger women, often half their age. It isn’t as common, but it does happen, to see an older woman dating a younger man. It has become a regular occurrence to see celebrities dating people significantly older or younger than themselves.
Dating someone much younger than you often brings insecurity issues.
You may find yourself worrying about them running off with someone their own age or feeling like you are too old for them in particular circumstances. Being at an age where you feel ready to settle down and start a family could cause problems, especially if the person you are dating doesn’t wish to settle down for many years to come.
Alternatively you may already have children and a failed marriage and aren’t looking for that. This is when you need to be aware of your partner’s future plans. It is important that you are open with them from the beginning about not wanting, or wanting more children or to marry again even up to what they enjoy, you might prefer restaurants and theatres and he might prefer bars and clubs.
Tell your date beforehand of your worries to ensure they do all they can to make sure that the age difference won’t even be an issue.
