First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu
Email: babawill2000@gmail.com Twitter: @Babawilly
The joy stealers come equipped with insatiable appetites. Like those black holes in space, they suck in every grain of joy from those unfortunate enough to meet their acquaintance. Hosting this breed of people in your home might leave you depressed at the end of the evening. While seeing them off to their cars, the right thing to do would be to beg them not to come again. Now most of us have not the forthrightness to put things so bluntly and what happens is we endure recurrent visits till we are soon on medication for stress.
Every contact with another human being leaves an after taste. If bitter, I say run like the wind.
The same goes for the greedy ravenous consumer of all things that exist on a plate. With no regard for your feelings or budget, they eat your pantry empty in just one visit. The late Fela had a song for these types entitled ‘Jeun k’oku’. (Chop and Quench). He sang about guests that take eating to kamikaze proportions. Get over fed or die trying as 50 Cent might say, but at your expense. When a man is not afraid to die on the dinner table, there is no stopping him.
Cases have been reported of these voracious eaters vomiting during their feeding frenzy and rupturing their gullets; the dreaded Boerhaave syndrome.
Fela went on to implore observers to help him chase the greedy guy out of his house. He pleaded with the guest not to come back. He must have known that most people could survive a first disastrous visit but repeat visits where unwelcomed guests send roots down into the foundation of your home and soon become irremovable are the real problem.
As a rule, the joy and food stealers come in disguise. They hide their true intention which is to derail your life. They are a bit like the drug cocaine. The first visit is always nice and laced with promises. It brings a ‘good time’, helps to blank out the sorrows, and makes you feel good. With time it sinks in deep anchors into your soul and becomes difficult to deport. Chasing these unwanted guests is sometimes a community effort, and in the extreme cases a national effort is required.
Drugs, parasites, viruses and all the weird and strange things that want a place in your home or body come through people and that means one must be vigilant. The ones to suspect are the ones who try too hard to appear nice. Once they get their legs through the door they eat you up.
For self- preservation, we all must do want the Nigerians advice which is to shine eye well- well. (Be smart, be street wise and keep your eyes open). May I now leave you with a poem on this topic by a certain Babawilly?
The Glutton’s Visit
Happy at departure
Though hungry at arrival
The pot’s so so empty
Poor host is suicidal
Please visit no more!
Hospitality annulment!
Poverty on the horizon
He ate down to my last cent
Inviting an elephant disguised as a gazelle?
My hands hold the mountainous blame
He shovelled salt on every morsel
Chewing at speed with no hint of shame
More than food
He ate our joy
Perpetually famished
He nibbled at our dreams
There was no grace in his belches
He criticised all the plans that we told him
I rejoiced to see that guest go
Family now hungry, angry, sad and slim
