Unpopular side with O’Yinka Ijabiyi
Twitter: @Yinkakan Instagram: @oneyinka
“Delta Zebra, come in for Alpha Bravo, over”
“Alpha Bravo, this is Delta Zebra, over”
“Delta Zebra, confirm position, over”
“Alpha Bravo all troops are in position awaiting further directives, over”
“Delta Zebra, standby for action, over”
“Alpha Bravo, all troops ready and on standby for action, over and out”
(These criminals are in trouble. We will show them today. They have been doing this evil for a long time and today, they must pay! God has caught them. They will suffer disgrace and they will go to jail. Even if they bribe their way out, they will still suffer shame and disgrace and their names will be spoilt forever. The common man is winning. God has caught them. Yes!)
“Delta Zebra, come in for Alpha Bravo, over”
“Alpha Bravo, Delta Zebra on standby, over”
“Delta Zebra, confirm that all troops are in place and awaiting further instruction, over”
“Yes sir @ Alpha Bravo, all troops are in position and are awaiting further instructions, over. In fact all troops have been in position since yesterday afternoon awaiting your instructions to move in, over”
“Thank you Delta Zebra. Standby for further instructions, over”
“Ok Alpha Bravo. Awaiting further instructions now. Over and out”
(Ol boy, hunger dey wire me o. Shuo. Shey na like this we go dey dey??? We don dey this standby mode now for like 12 hours dey wait order from above the above of the above to go. Abi na from heaven the order from above go come? Or we go dey wait here dey guide this people until them remove?! Abeg make these people no do us like EFFC do for Burrantashi Kashima house that time o! Me I no get patience for one week standby o!)
“Alpha Bravo, come in for Delta Zebra”
“Delta Zebra, carry on, over”
“Alpha Bravo, we see some suspicious movements going on inside the property. Two 9/11 trucks and two luxurious busses have arrived and people are loading things from the house into the buses. Should we move in on them? It looks like the suspect is getting away or carting evidence away, over”
“Delta Zebra, maintain your current status. Observe the situation but do not interfere. We have this covered. Standby for further instructions, over”
“Noted Alpha Bravo. The other teams across the country are reporting similar movements in their locations. It looks like the criminals are moving fast to cover their tracks. But we will wait as advised and await further instructions. Over and out”
(Hmmm, yeye dey smell o. Looks like these criminals have been alerted by the powers that be to this operation! Why are we still here hiding in the dark and simply watching them cart away the loot we wanted to come and catch them stealing? Why are we like this in this country? Now we have all the evidence we need to move in and sting these people but lo and behold, the system is protecting them as usual! What kind of a country is this? Why are we so blest? Na wa o)
“Delta Zebra, come in for Alpha Bravo, over”
“Yes, oga, what do you want?”
“Delta Zebra, we have search and arrest warrants now, move in, move in, move in! All systems go! Go and bring these criminals to justice!”
“Erm, wait o oga, haven’t you been following the news? TNN reported that the criminals fled the country over the border while we were waiting for green light to arrest them. In fact they say that the warrants were signed at the border by one of the people we have been laying siege to their property for the past three days! Oga Alpha Bravo, is everything ok???”
“Delta Zebra, I said move in immediately and search the premises! Arrest anyone you meet there! Take everyone into custody! Whether they are the suspects or not or related to them or not, bring everyone you find there in! Do it now!! Over”
“Instructions received Alpha Bravo. But the two cars we brought were full of our boys o so there is no car to use to bring anyone we meet inside. Besides, one of the cars is showing no fuel so we sent the driver to go and queue for fuel and he hasn’t come back for two days now. And his phone is dead. We will have to use the one car remaining for this operation. Maybe we will pack them in bus and bring to the station. And our boys will return on keke. Over and out”
Good evening and welcome to the news on SNN, your serious news network. First, the highlights.
The central government has announced a purge in the armed forces with no less than 200 police officers losing their jobs for insubordination and planning mutiny. It looks like the officers protested that they were hungry and they had no fuel when asked to go and arrest some highly placed very important criminals.
Twenty central and state judges have suddenly showed up in neighboring African countries to seek asylum from what they termed oppression from the central government. One of the judges who thought he was being taken to the Nation of Benin however found himself in Benign City where he still proceeded to seek asylum from the Mayor of the city.
The presiding leader of the country has announced that he gave his wife N5000 to cook a pot of soup yesterday and she did him proud. Not only did he enjoy the tuwo, she also delighted him in the bedroom as he was able to sleep deeply and peacefully in the other room. When asked if anything happened in the other room he was quoted as saying other things happen in other rooms. Or don’t you have the other room in your house too? Or is it money you keep in the other room? Next question.
Thank you for listening to the news.
