Close-up with KC Ejelonu
Email: kcejelonu@gmail.com Twitter: @kcejelonu
So you got your heart broken not once or twice and then at some point you figured, “omo mehn I will be a hard one to crack”. You thought about locking up your heart in a box and promised yourself never to let any man steal your heart of have a piece of it. Guess what ladies? You are not alone. Chances are you will risk your heart again to fall in love or likeness again and to be honest you might experience another heartache or not.
But guess what the good news in all this? You can fall in love again; broken heart is something we all can’t escape. So if you feel like you have had your heart broken so many times and you will never find love again or you think it doesn’t exist, according to Dr. Jacqueline Simon Gunn, from Demand Media, here are some things you can do:
Take some time
Having your heart broken is an awful experience. It is not uncommon for someone to jump right into another relationship to try and ease the pain. Although this may help temporarily, it’s just a bandage; and it can cause you to become attached to someone who you otherwise wouldn’t want a relationship with, warns Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., in her Psych Central article, “Help on Healing From Heartbreak.” Instead, take some time to grieve your loss and heal your wounds. This will actually help you feel stronger and will better prepare you for a new love.
Love yourself
Breakups can leave you with tremendous self-doubt. You may wonder what you did wrong or if anyone will ever love you again. These feelings are very painful and can impair your ability to move on and open your heart to someone new. Spending extra time taking care of yourself is important to rebuild your self-esteem. Trying a new hobby, starting an exercise program and using positive self-talk all help build self-worth. Before you start dating again, it is also important that you recognize yourself as a lovable person, asserts certified breakup recovery coach Raeeka Yaghmai, writing for Your Tango. Spending time with people who love you will help build your confidence and remind you that you are a valuable and lovable person.
Removing the pedestal
In the painful aftermath of a breakup you may find yourself idealizing your ex and feeling like he is the last person on earth you will ever love. You may imagine an idealized image of him and forget all of his flaws, which will make moving on even more agonizing. It is important to acknowledge these feelings, but also to recognize that he is not the only person for you, recommends Yaghmai. Remember, as long as you are capable of loving, you will find love again.
Reduce your fear
After heartbreak the idea of opening your heart up — and risking the possibility of being hurt again — is scary. Changing your mindset about love can be very helpful in reducing this fear, suggests life coach Ora Nadrich in her Huffington Post article, “Saying Yes to Love After Heartache.” Instead of dwelling on the loss, focus on what you have learned. You now have a better idea of what you like and dislike in a relationship — for example, you may like being affectionate, or want someone who is generous, spontaneous or funny. Thinking about what you want from your next partner will help reduce your fear by reminding you that you have choices as you move forward.
