First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu
Email: babawill2000@gmail.com Twitter: @Babawilly
I had driven for five minutes before I realised that something was missing. I had left home without my phone and sudden panic set in. I was surprised at myself. Was it not the same Wilson that left home for FGC Kaduna all those miles away from the family home in Lagos without a phone in 1980? We did not even have a land line and I was cool with that. Those were the days when you felt complete with a wallet and house keys as nothing else mattered.
I resolved to get a grip and tackle this ‘separation anxiety’ by putting things into perspective. I still had my un-smart phone with me. The one I used for international calls so I was not exactly phone-less. I also reckoned that since I was headed to a medical conference there was no real need to drive back home for my phone.
I drove and twitched for a few minutes suffering a Samsung Withdrawal Syndrome before I finally felt at ease with the help of breathing exercises. Then the thought crossed my mind thus; “How will I update my Facebook status if the speaker says something out of the ordinary?”
Many years ago a journalist would have left for work with a video camera, audio recording equipment and a pad for writing. Today we have all these equipment all condensed into our phones. To the list add the library of books, pictures and videos, the financial transaction apps, GPS apps, dairies and contact lists. No wonder we all feel we are journalists; with a compulsion to broadcast live from wherever we are in bad English (No editorial support). CNN cannot afford to have eyes everywhere so the public steps in. I recently read a Facebook update from Lagos informing everyone of an armed robbery in progress. The first response was a comment which asked for video footage of the incident. The ‘journalist on ground’ replied that they were all running away but the unsatisfied information addict asked if there was no tall building to safely film from. Even devastating earthquakes, tsunamis and examples of US police brutality all have videos on Facebook.
There is a small subset of men who on the other hand never forget their phones when they leave home. Those are the players who know that their spouses know they are players but have no proof yet. This year alone three people have told me how they have ended relationships after discovering incriminating pictures and text messages during domestic espionage sessions. These represent relationships that are casualties of advances in telecommunications. Perhaps these men would not have been found out in 1975 (unless they talk in their sleep).
The cynics say that the man who leaves his phone around the house without a security lock has another secret love-talk phone. Those who leave phones lying everywhere have saved their lovers names under mutual friends’ names. That is why you get strange calls from your friend’s wife and she says ‘just ringing to check on you’. She was trying all the numbers on her man’s to break the secret code.
Going out without my phone meant I could not take any selfies when the selfie mood took hold of me. So what moods took hold of me before selfies were invented? William Shakespeare took no selfies and sent no text messages and see what happened to him. Numerous plays written because there were little distractions. If he felt like a new portrait he had to save up, call down a befitting artist and sit for hours very still while the artist went to work. After sitting for 12 hours one soon learnt the art of dismissing those urges to have ones face on canvass. Sitting still for hours is redemptive in a strange way. Modern men do not sit still for longer than five minutes in silence and that is why modern men have few ideas. Anyone who can sit still in silence without reaching for a mobile phone will be great in life.
Two years ago in the gym guys looked at their physiques between sets using the wall to wall mirrors, but now they play with their phones. At restaurants couples out on a date are on their phones. ‘Quality time’ is fast becoming an illusion. The minute a phone manufacturer can come up with a phone that can listen to you and laugh at the appropriate places and maybe even reply when chatted to, many relationships will be surplus to requirements. It is now common place to find people who know their phones better than the person who shares their bed.
There is an African factor to consider. Every time you forget your phone at home you have left a piece of Congo behind. Yes, we all walk around with a bit of Congo in our pockets or hand bags. I speak of Columbite-tantaline also called Coltan which is mined in Congo and when refined becomes Tantalum which is used as an anti corrosive heat conductor in mobile phones. This is a resource that can be mined by armed groups who use the proceeds for ammunition. Grains of deja vu infiltrate my mind; Blood Diamonds starring Leonard Di Caprio and Djimon Hounsou. In one of the final scenes a bleeding Di Caprio ironically discusses conflict diamonds on a phone probably containing conflict Tantalum.
To conclude, I am glad I went out without the smart phone. No selfies, no Facebook updates, no distractions from the work to be done and no ‘Blood Tantalum’ on my hands.
