First Gentleman with Wilson Orhiunu
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Prevention is mightier than the cure and less expensive. Many psychological ailments that plague in adulthood could have been immunised against in childhood by simply having a roundtable conference with food at the centre.
From the glutinous date who eats up all her starter and then eyes yours to the greedy local government chairman high on drugs and pilfered wealth, we see people whose problems could have been prevented by eating regular family dinners.
No one in folklore history needed family dinners and the training it dispenses like the tortoise that broke his shell in Chapter 11 of Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart. As the story goes, the birds were invited for a feast in the sky and seeing that helicopters had not been invented, the only way Mr Tortoise could gatecrash the party was to borrow a Personal Flying Card (PFC) from each bird. He had a reputation for mischief but he talked them into giving him a one-bird-one-feather loan.
During the flight to the party, he assumed the alias of ‘All of You’ and as soon as their hosts presented food for ‘All of You’ the Tortoise stepped in to display his greed. The angry birds withdrew their support from him, so by the end of the party he was full of food but could no longer hum his favourite R. Kelly tune.
The parrot offered to tell his wife to put out soft furniture in the garden for his proposed wing-less jump back to earth. The parrot however, told Mrs Tortoise to bring out metallic objects and alas Mr Tortoise jumped. The impact took the ‘S’ out of his Shell (proof that when the people get angry with the leader they helped to fly high and withdraw their support, he soon crashes down).
If the Tortoise had spent time with his parents at the dinner table he would have learnt the following essential lessons:
Curb the Greed
Being reprimanded for an attempt to grab the chicken without consideration for the rest of the family, especially at an early age leaves indelible marks on the personality.
Realise that all at the table must have equal opportunities
The bread comes round and no one takes a lion share. Equitable distribution of food according to need is learnt and practiced.
There is always a next meal
Spoiling breakfast endangers lunch. If the food is too salty at lunch, you may not want to endanger your chances of dinner by talking out of turn or hurting the cook’s feelings.
Never bite the finger that feeds
The head of the table that pays the bills blesses the food and generally steers the ship. Things get done in order and every one’s space is respected. No one reaches across the next man’s face to grab the salt but rather asks politely if they could pass it. That is how personal space is respected and this translated into respect for international boundaries later in life.
There is life after the meal
Those who have stayed behind to talk and laugh after the meal has long finished know that communication with family members must still go on and is an enjoyable part of the post-dinner experience. Being greedy and eating all the rice will breed resentment and disharmony. That is why many people who are rich through greedy means are paranoid and always watch their backs for they know there is no good-will coming from any quarters.
The Table is for Service
You serve those you live and eat with (not defraud them). At home you learn to do that noble act of setting the table for others (even God prepared a table in Psalm 23). Setting a table is forward planning. Each seat is allocated to someone and they grow up knowing that there is a special place reserved for them. Eating meals in harmony in childhood will produce civil servants rather than the civil merchants on the look-out for a bribe.
The tortoise was helped to the skies but he soon forgot his helpers. The 1971 song by the then Fela Ransome-Kuti called Jeun K’o Ku (Chop and Quench), seems most appropriate to tell about the Tortoise’s expulsion from the party in the sky.
In the song Jeun K’o Ku, the singer laments being saddled with a greedy visitor who eats up the whole ‘economy’ and even makes passes at the lady of the house. He calls the visitor, ‘Oni Gbese’ (a debtor) for, eating recklessly and living above one’s means, leads to debt. Greedy children without reins on their appetites grow up to be greedy leaders who ‘eat up’ economies they were given feathers to fly into. Fela cried for help to expel the visitor who is hell-bent on eating to the point of achieving a stomach rupture.
So, next time a cunny orator asks for something you have that would enable him get to a position of power, look him in the eyes and ascertain if he ate meals with his parents or was a hustler with a survival instinct and an eye for looting. If he appears to be a crook, keep your feathers to yourself.
