Talk with Pamela
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For us to effectively and continually enjoy sexual intercourse, we must, first of all, understand what sexual intercourse entails. Just forget for a moment that you have been actively engaged in this activity for years. Free your mind and learn new things, gain new understanding that will take your sex life to a whole new level. We all just see or know sexual intercourse as an activity between a man and a woman probably at night if they were not both exhausted from the day’s activities. Sexual intercourse is much more than that. There is a psychological aspect to this process and my intention is to take us through it.
Sexual response cycle
This is made up of four phases or stages developed by pioneer human sexuality researchers and sex therapists, William Masters and Virginia Johnson.
The first phase which can be stimulated either externally or internally is the desire phase. It is the phase where we imagine or fantasise about sex. This can be likened to the feeling of hunger.
From there, we move to the arousal phase where the physical manifestations of sexual desire become obvious. Like the vagina being highly lubricated and the penis becoming erect and turgid.
From the fantasy, imagination and hunger pangs, the appetite has built up and now the real sexual penetrative act takes place and the satisfaction which is the orgasm is reached.
This is followed by the resolution phase which is where the body slowly returns to its pre desire phase mode. For some individuals and couples, the sexual response cycle can reoccur immediately after one cycle and you hear statements like “we went two or more rounds.
All these phases can occur within as short a time as five minutes or as long as one hour or more depending on the couples involved, the time of day and what is expected to transpire immediately after or the location.
One cannot just wake up and start having sexual intercourse. Even animals have seasons. For human beings to have sexual intercourse, they must pass through these phases. Same way you cannot jump and start eating food. You must be hungry first, then have appetite, eat, get satisfied, and you will ultimately eat again another time.
Sometimes, individuals develop issues before or during sexual intercourse classified as sexual dysfunctions or disorders. Not to be confused with major sexual disorders that paedophilia or voyeurism, for example.
These dysfunctions are named according to the phase in which they occur. Examples of these dysfunctions include but are not limited to the following: Dysfunctions of the desire phase include hypoactive sexual desire and sexual aversion disorder. Dysfunctions of the arousal phase include female sexual arousal disorder as well as dyspareunia and vaginismus and erectile dysfunctions. Orgasm phase disorders include female orgasmic disorder and premature or delayed ejaculation. In addition, there are the dysfunctions due to general medical conditions and substance-induced dysfunctions.
So we can now see that sexual intercourse is not a case of man meets woman, insert penis, ejaculates… end of story. There is more to it. The story long pass as we de tink am before.
Because we do not understand or because we assume or because we take certain things for granted, we tend to explain away our inadequacies and dissatisfactions. We tend to endure some of the things that should have been resolved to enable us enjoy what we should be enjoying. The actions become mechanical. Sexual intercourse becomes an obligation we must carry out for procreation only.
Elongated periods of dissatisfaction and bottled up frustrations can lead to other psychological issues. No matter the stage you are in your relationship, consensual sexual intercourse should be enjoyed, and not endured. If perchance you feel or you know you are having issues in any of the phases, I can be consulted.
