Actress Dayo Amusa has revealed she stayed in an abusive relationship because she believed she could change her lover.
The 38-year-old said this in an Instagram post on Monday while narrating her past experience.
According to the movie star, those in abusive relationships constantly blame themselves when their spouses refuse to change.
Sharing scenes from Unforgiven, her movie about domestic abuse, Dayo wrote: “I used to be a fixer. I stayed in bad relationships, attracting the same type of men – men who needed to be fixed. I know so many women in the same position. We attract cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.
“It’s like we are a magnet for men whose pieces are shattered all over the place. And for some reason, we feel compelled to put these pieces back together. But I must admit, I have failed every single time.”
“I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought.
“Being selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right? I realized that the reason I was attracting these types of men was that I believed I could save them,” she continued.
Speaking further, the Yoruba actress wrote: “As selfless, thoughtful, giving women, we think we will be “that woman”—the one who will change them. We think we can turn a cheater into a loyal boyfriend. We think we can help him walk away from the drugs and alcohol. We believe we can help him get over his commitment issues and aim for a stable future with us.
“We trust that we can get rid of the emotional baggage that he has been carrying for years. We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to leave them would be selfish, insensitive and ruthless. The sad news is, we constantly blame ourselves when they don’t change. Every time they fail us, we think it’s because we failed them. Their hold on us becomes stronger; they keep us around knowing they have nothing to offer. It’s just my view.”
